Avoiding the tendency to binge eat is something i need to put quite a bit of effort into daily. The anti-depressant prozac was helping with that for a bit, but unfortunately that positive effect has seemed to worn off.
Right now, I am about 10 lbs over my “happy weight.” However, I know for a fact that fixating on how my body looks or weight has proven to be completely disastrous. Every. Single. Time.
The only approach that has proven to be effective for me in the past, is to focus on my hunger cues. I.e. I ask myself if I’m actually hungry before I reach for a cookie, and I check back with my stomach periodically to ensure I am not eating past my full point. Aka what the healthy living blog world dubs as “intuitive eating.”
As simple as that approach may be, I still need to work at focusing on my hunger cues. Hard.
Just last night I had to throw out 3 boxes of granola that my dad brought me and a bag of pita bread.
I also need to work at not looking at myself in the mirror too frequently. Though I am by no means fat at all, it doesn’t feel good having been thin then gaining back the weight. All the sudden the flab that went unnoticed becomes extremely bothersome.
On top of the binge eating, I am also working on getting disciplined about studying for the US Medical Licensing Exam (USMLE step 1). I just signed the paperwork to go on a leave of absence for my depression yesterday and am extending my exam date until later (we are not allowed to start working in the clinic until we finish the USMLE). I am allowed to go on leave until June 2014, but am able to start rotations any time I wish….so of course I’d like to get the test over with STAT, get on with my life, and finally be able to get some patient contact in the clinic! I am greatly looking forward to working in the clinic.
My current tentative plan is to hopefully be prepared to take the exam at the end of Oct, then start my OB-GYN rotation the first week of Nov. It’s hard not to feel ashamed that I need extra time though. I realize that my mental health is still #1 priority, and if I can do well on the step exam and be in a good emotional state, delaying graduation by 1 or 2 semesters is not a big deal at all!….but what I think does not necessarily correspond with how I feel.
Now, I’m off to attempt to study some…